from http://slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=55638&cid=5421221
note: "Stallan" should be "Stallman"
fact according to Stallan (Score:2)
by intermodal (534361) on Monday March 03, @01:08AM (#5422374) (http://slashdot.org/ | Last Journal: Wednesday February 19, @11:09AM)
In SOVIET RUSSIA, Josef Stalin misspells YUO!
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chmod a+x /bin/laden
rm -f /bin/laden
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find / -iname "base" -exec chown us {} \;
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a spoof on The Princess Bride, from slashdot
http://slashdot.org/articles/03/03/08/162218.shtml?tid=104&tid=106
Hello, my name is Ingo Molnar. You killed my father: prepare to die.
[ Reply to This ]
No no no! (Score:5, Funny)
by Anonymous Coward on Saturday March 08, @12:34PM (#5467529)
It's:
My name is Ingo Molnar. You kill -9'd my parent process. Prepare to die()
[ Reply to This | Parent ]
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Sun and X86 (Score:3, Funny)
by Bame Flait (672982) on Tuesday May 20, @01:03PM (#5999469)
I'm eagerly awaiting their move into adult markets with XXX86 servers.
And Windows XXXP support!
Incidentally, Pr0stx0r fr1stx0r
Bitches
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http://slashdot.org/articles/03/12/17/2234252.shtml?tid=133&tid=186&tid=188&tid=97
Achtung! (Score:5, Funny)
by heironymouscoward (683461) on Wednesday December 17, @05:43PM (#7749055)
(Last Journal: Tuesday December 16, @04:42PM)
Das vebzite ist geslaschdottert, habben sie keine speigel, bitte?
Ja, un der blinkenlichtkonzept ist ubercool, duden! Ich vil ein blinkenlicht
fur meinen desktaupkomputer fur Kerstmis.
Oh jeez, I can't keep the accent up. Anyone got a mirror?
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from: http://slashdot.org/articles/03/08/19/1748206.shtml?tid=109&tid=111&tid=126&tid=128&tid=187
Goodtimes Virus Alert! (Score:5, Funny)
by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday August 19, @02:21PM (#6735523)
NO MORE GOODTIMES!
There's a new virus that will re-write your hard drive. Not only that, but it will scramble any disks that are even close to your computer. It will recalibrate your refrigerator's coolness setting so all your ice cream goes melty. It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards, screw up the tracking on your television and use subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you try to play.
It will give your ex-girl or boyfriend your new phone number. It will mix Kool-aid into your fishtank. It will drink all your wine and leave its socks out on the coffee table when there's company coming over. It will put a dead squirrel in the back pocket of your good pants and hide your car keys when you are late for work.
Goodtimes will make you fall in love with a penguin. It will give you nightmares about circus midgets. It will pour sugar in your gas tank and shave off both your eyebrows while dating your girl or boyfriend behind your back and billing the dinner and hotel room to your Discover card.
It will seduce your grandmother. It does not matter if she is dead; such is the power of Goodtimes. It reaches out beyond the grave to sully those things we hold most dear.
It moves your car randomly around parking lots so you can't find it. It will kick your dog. It will leave libidinous messages on your boss's voice mail in your voice! It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and terrifying to behold. It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve.
Goodtimes will give you Dutch Elm disease. It will leave the toilet seat up. It will make a batch of Methamphetamine in your bathtub and then leave bacon cooking on the stove while it goes out to chase gradeschoolers with your new snowblower.
Goodtimes will prompt your mother to call on Friday and Saturday nights for two months after you make a new girlfriend/boyfriend. It will place your wallet and keys on an obscure shelf in the basement. It will emulate your face and stare into the neighbor's bathroom window.
Goodtimes has been linked to cancer in laboratory mice. 9 out of 10 dentists recommend Goodtimes.
Goodtimes will make your bloomers shrink two sizes, and it will make you gain 15 pounds. If this results in a wedgie, then Goodtimes will leave a nasty skid mark.
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fun facts from http://home.kc.rr.com/ripenc/misc.html
The sentence "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog." uses every letter in the alphabet. (Developed by Western Union to Test telex/twx communications)
In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere.
Average life span of a major league baseball: 7 pitches.
A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.
The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable.
Did you know that there are coffee flavored PEZ?
The reason firehouses have circular stairways is from the days of yore when the engines were pulled by horses. The horses were stabled on the ground floor and figured out how to walk up straight staircases.
The airplane Buddy Holly died in was the "American Pie." (Thus the name of the Don McLean song.)
Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history. Spades - King David; Clubs - Alexander the Great; Hearts Charlemagne; and Diamonds - Julius Caesar.
111,111,111 x 111,111,111 =3D3D 12,345,678,987,654,321
Clans of long ago that wanted to get rid of their unwanted people without killing them used to burn their houses down - hence the expression "to get fired."
Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.
The term "the whole 9 yards" came from WWII fighter pilots in the Pacific. When arming their airplanes on the ground, the .50 caliber machine gun ammo belts measured exactly 27 feet, before being loaded into the fuselage. If the pilots fired all their ammo at a target, it got "the whole 9 yards."
Hershey's Kisses are called that because the machine that makes them looks like it's kissing the conveyor belt.
The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.
An ostrich's eye is bigger that it's brain.
The longest recorded flight of a chicken is thirteen seconds.
The Eisenhower interstate system requires that one mile in every five must be straight. These straight sections are usable as airstrips in times of war or other emergencies.
The name Jeep came from the abbreviation used in the army for the "General Purpose" vehicle, G.P.
The Pentagon, in Arlington, Virginia, has twice as many bathrooms as is necessary. When it was built in the 1940s, the state of Virginia still had segregation laws requiring separate toilet facilities for blacks and whites.
Cat's urine glows under a black light.
The highest point in Pennsylvania is lower than the lowest point in Colorado.
Nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected intravenously.
If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you have $1.19. You also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar.
No NFL team which plays its home games in a domed stadium has ever won a Superbowl.
The first toilet ever seen on television was on "Leave It To Beaver".
The only two days of the year in which there are no professional sports games (MLB, NBA, NHL, or NFL) are the day before and the day after the Major League All-Star Game.
Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.
The name Wendy was made up for the book "Peter Pan."
In Cleveland, Ohio, it's illegal to catch mice without a hunting license.
It takes 3,000 cows to supply the NFL with enough leather for a year's supply of footballs.
Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.
Pound for pound, hamburgers cost more than new cars.
The 3 most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca-Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.
It's possible to lead a cow upstairs...but not downstairs.
Humans are the only primates that don't have pigment in the palms of their hands.
Ten percent of the Russian government's income comes from the sale of vodka.
On average, 100 people choke to death on ball point pens every year.
In 10 minutes, a hurricane releases more energy than all the world's nuclear weapons combined.
Reno, Nevada is west of Los Angeles, California.
Average age of top GM executives in 1994: 49.8 years. Average age of the Rolling Stones: 50.6.
Elephants can't jump. Every other mammal can.
The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.
Five Jell-O flavors that flopped: celery, coffee, cola, apple, and chocolate.
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From: http://slashdot.org/article.pl?sid=04/06/07/2114259
Re:I cannot see how that's going to fly (Score:4, Funny)
by Anonymous Coward on Monday June 07, @06:41PM (#9360812)
> German anti-trust law, which are a wee bit more strigent than the US anti-trust law.
If you violate German anti-trust law, you get a slap on the wrist with a wet strudel.
[ Reply to This | Parent ]
Re:I cannot see how that's going to fly (Score:4, Funny)
by king-manic (409855) on Monday June 07, @07:09PM (#9361033)
(Last Journal: Friday May 28, @06:11PM)
If you violate America anti-trust law, you get a slap on the wrist with a wet noodle.
[ Reply to This | Parent ]
Re:I cannot see how that's going to fly (Score:5, Funny)
by a20vertigo (263583) on Monday June 07, @08:28PM (#9361487)
(http://www.darkt.net/)
If you violate French anti-trust law, you get a slap on the wrist with a wet poodle!
[ Reply to This | Parent ]
Re:I cannot see how that's going to fly (Score:5, Funny)
by Anonymous Coward on Monday June 07, @10:48PM (#9362213)
If you violate Soviet antitrust law, a wet poodle gets a slap on the wrist from you!
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from: http://slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=116322&threshold=1&commentsort=0&tid=162&tid=126&mode=thread&cid=9845686
Required: Getting the Most From Your IT Department (Score:5, Funny)
by nmb3000 (741169) on Friday July 30, @01:31PM (#9845686)
The required list for today:
Getting the most from your IT department
1. When you call us to have your computer moved or fixed, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and children's art. We don't have a life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.
2. Don't write anything down. Ever. We can play back the error messages from here.
3. When an IT person says he's coming right over, go for coffee. That way you won't be there when we need your password. It's nothing for us to remember 300 user passwords.
4. When you call the help desk, state what you want, not what's keeping you from getting it. We don't need to know that you can't get into your mail because your computer won't power on at all.
6. When IT support sends you an e-mail with high importance, delete it at once. We're just testing.
7. When an IT person is eating lunch at his desk, walk right in and spill your guts right out. We exist only to serve.
8. Send urgent email all in uppercase. The mail server picks it up and flags it as a rush delivery.
9. When the photocopier doesn't work, call computer support. There's electronics in it. Ditto for the microwave, timeclock, and coffee maker. Hell, if it plugs in, we're probably in charge of it anyway.
10. When you're getting a NO DIAL TONE message at home, call computer support. We can fix your telephone line from here.
11. When you have a dozen old computer screens to get rid of, call computer support. We're collectors.
12. When something's wrong with your home PC, dump it on an IT person's chair with no name, no phone number and no description of the problem. We love a puzzle.
13. When an IT person tells you that computer screens don't have cartridges in them, argue. We love a good argument.
14. When an IT person tells you that he'll be there shortly, reply in a scathing tone of voice: "And just how many weeks do you mean by shortly?". That motivates us.
15. When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least 20 times. Print jobs frequently get sucked into black holes.
16. When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send the job to all 68 printers in the company. One of them is bound to work.
17. Don't learn the proper name for anything technical. We know exactly what you mean by "my thingy blew up".
18. Don't use on-line help. On-line help is for wimps.
19. If the mouse cable keeps knocking down the framed picture of your dog, lift the computer and stuff the cable under it. Mouse cables were designed to have 40lb of computer sitting on top of them.
20. If the space bar on your keyboard doesn't work, blame it on the mail upgrade. Keyboards are actually very happy with half a pound of muffin crumbs and nail clippings in them.
21. When you get a message saying "Are you sure?" click on that Yes button as fast as you can. Hell, if you weren't sure, you wouldn't be doing it, would you?
22. When you find an IT person on the phone with his bank, sit uninvited on the corner of his desk and stare at him until he hangs up. We don't have any money to speak of anyway.
23. Feel perfectly free to say things like "I don't know nothing about that computer crap". We don't mind at all hearing our area of professional expertise referred to as crap.
24. When you need to change the toner cartridge in a printer, call IT support. Changing a toner cartridge is an extremely complex task, and Hewlett-Packard recommends that it be performed only by a professional engineer with a master's degree in nuclear physics.
25. When you can't find someone in the government directory, call IT Support.
26. When you have a lock to pick on an old file cabinet, call IT Support. We love to hack.
27. When something's the matter with your computer, ask your secretary to call the help desk. We enjoy the challenge of having to deal with a third party who doesn't know anything about the problem.
28. When you receive a 50MB movie file, send it to everyone as a mail attachment. We've got lots of disk space on that mail server.
29. Don't even think of breaking large print jobs down into smaller chunks. Somebody else might get a chance to squeeze a memo into the queue.
30. When an IT person gets on the elevator pushing $100,000 worth of computer equipment on a cart, ask in a very loud voice: "Good grief, you take the elevator to go DOWN one floor?!?" That's another one that cracks us up no end.
31. When you lose your car keys or go to lunch, send an email to the entire company. People down in Las Vegas like to keep abreast of what's going on.
32. When you bump into an IT person at the grocery store on a Saturday, ask a computer question. We do weekends.
33. Don't bother to tell us when you move computers around on your own. Computer names are just a cosmetic feature.
34. When you bring your own personal home PC for repair at the office, leave the documentation at home. We'll find all the settings and drivers somewhere.
35. In no way do we believe that end-users are ungrateful. It hurts our feelings that one could even think such a thing on the basis of the above statements. In truth we wish to express our deepest gratitude to the hundreds of wonderful end-users portrayed herein, without whom none of this would have been remotely possible.
We truly love you, end-users, you spice up our lives no end.
Happy System Admin Day!
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from AfterSlash:
http://www.alterslash.org/#3com_to_Compete_with_Cisco
Heh - by Gannoc (Score: 5, Funny) Thread
The new routers compete the Cisco's 3725, 3745, and 83xx routers.
Hehe.
The new routers compete the Cisco. 3com have no chance to survive make your time.
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Here's a long one, but HILARIOUS. When you start to notice it's painful to keep reading, just skip to the next comment.
From slashdot:
http://slashdot.org/article.pl?sid=05/09/10/0614256
Sometime fibs are good (Score:2, Funny)
by vivekg (795441) on Saturday September 10, @05:59AM (#13525437)
(http://www.cyberciti.biz/ | Last Journal: Saturday July 23, @02:51PM)
BAD fib
You know Upstream & downstream stuff they will say you will get 256 kbps, 512kbsp and so on. Few weeks back I was at friends place. When sales guy of local DSL Company came to give all info and started to explain how good DSL is from Dial up. He told my friend *DSL is your own lease line* :/? So I interrupted him and said you mean LL? He said like that... Hee so this is how they sales connections and they don't Want to know much about technology. Okay don't explain technology but don't fib... coz one day s/he will know this!
I found hardware vendor especially owners and a tech guy gives more fibs... for example somebody in shop would like to purchase 2 gig USB pen. Owner told lady that it has driver in USB that take some space so you will always not get exactly 2 gig space. Deal went very well. Some time fibs are good for example in this case you can't explain all the stuff to old lady about why you don't get 2 gig space on USB.
Re:Sometime fibs are good (Score:5, Informative)
by Anonymous Coward on Saturday September 10, @09:58AM (#13525933)
Yet Another Translation, by a professional:
"Sometime Fibs are Good"
An example of a bad fib:
Marketing representatives often use fibs to misrepresent the speed of communications service. For example, while visiting a friend a few weeks ago, I heard a local DSL company's sales representative pitching his company's service. He began to explain the advantages of DSL over a dial-up connection, and in doing so he told a fib: he said that DSL is the same as having a leased line. I interrupted him and asked him for confirmation, using the standard acronym "LL" for "Leased Line" to make it clear that I wanted to know if he was suggesting that DSL and a Leased Line were equivalent. The marketing representative replied that DSL and Leased Lines were the same thing, which is patently untrue.
This example of a bad fib demonstrates the underhanded marketing tactics some sales representatives choose to employ. These fibs lead the customer further from the truth, in the hope that the customer will make an ill-informed and unwise purchase. This tactic is unwise, however, because customers will grow unhappy with their service once they learn the truth.
An example of a good fib:
Hardware salespeople, especially the owners of stores and technically oriented sales representatives, sometimes tell less harmful fibs. Once, a merchant was pitching a 2GB USB pen to an older woman who did not seem to understand much about storage space. The merchant, being at heart an honest man, did not want to give his client the impression that he was selling her a full two gigabytes of storage space, because that was untrue, despite the manufacturer's claims. So, he disclosed the truth by telling a small fib: he told her that some of the space on the USB device was already used by software needed by computers accessing the device.
Although the owner said did not fully explain the difference between the product advertisement and the truth, he did make an effort to show his client that the packaging was misleading and that the product would not fully live up to the expectations advertised. By telling a small fib, he avoided allowing a client to believe a larger lie or allowing her to become confused by technical jargon and unfamiliar concepts. In this case, the result of telling the fib was to bring the client closer to the truth so that she could make an informed purchase.
Good heavens (Score:4, Funny)
by lahvak (69490) on Saturday September 10, @09:02AM (#13525797)
(Last Journal: Thursday February 17, @01:11PM)
what language is the parent written in?
Re:Sometime fibs are good (Score:5, Funny)
by LordKaT (619540) on Saturday September 10, @10:55AM (#13526096)
(http://www.geekstreak.com/ | Last Journal: Saturday May 31, @08:06PM)
I've got some Mod points, and if there was a "+1 What the fuck?" you'd get it.
Re:Sometime fibs are good (Score:4, Funny)
by Loonacy (459630) on Saturday September 10, @07:20AM (#13525559)
I'm amazed you even understood what s/he was talking about. I thought it was just a bunch of random words strung together to resemble sentences.
Re:Sometime fibs are good (Score:5, Funny)
by Bozdune (68800) on Saturday September 10, @08:13AM (#13525676)
Thank you. WHen I read the original post I felt like my dog must feel when he tilts his head sideways.
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Blatant "Austin Powers" reference
from: http://politics.slashdot.org/article.pl?sid=06/09/28/126207
Re:blind my eyes too
(Score:5, Funny)
by einnar2000 (985070) on Thursday September 28, @10:40AM (#16229303)
The problem wasn't in building a laser that could reach orbit. The problem was in teaching the sharks to look up.
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